Hi, Ellie. Sorry it took so long to get to this. I seem to have opened a can of worms on my own LJ and it took a bit of work to get it closed! ;)
Your first paragraph is great, as it drops us into the action just as she is being dropped. I felt a momentary shock of "Wha--?" that went quite nicely with what you were trying to express.
“Hmph, it is hot outside today,” she said.
This is interesting, showing something perhaps about her character or her civilization? She does not know that it is hot until seeing the temperature.
The animal carcass shifted and began to lift from her. She stared, transfixed in nauseated horror as excruciating pain lanced through her and the fletching of two arrows came out of her shoulder and chest.
It might just be me in a doh! moment, but I'm not sure what is happening here. Did the arrows go through the buck and into her? How are the fletchings coming out of her shoulder/chest?
I'm just a bit confoosed....
But other than that, this is an intriguing introduction. I want to know who the two Elves are, although I have my suspicions. But it seems she's certainly gotten herself noticed...ah, the perils of time travel! ;)
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Your first paragraph is great, as it drops us into the action just as she is being dropped. I felt a momentary shock of "Wha--?" that went quite nicely with what you were trying to express.
“Hmph, it is hot outside today,” she said.
This is interesting, showing something perhaps about her character or her civilization? She does not know that it is hot until seeing the temperature.
The animal carcass shifted and began to lift from her. She stared, transfixed in nauseated horror as excruciating pain lanced through her and the fletching of two arrows came out of her shoulder and chest.
It might just be me in a doh! moment, but I'm not sure what is happening here. Did the arrows go through the buck and into her? How are the fletchings coming out of her shoulder/chest?
I'm just a bit confoosed....
But other than that, this is an intriguing introduction. I want to know who the two Elves are, although I have my suspicions. But it seems she's certainly gotten herself noticed...ah, the perils of time travel! ;)